Hello. We are Jeff
and Allison. The following is the story
of our journey to parenthood….
Jeff and I were married August 16, 1997 just before my
senior year in college. It was a very
happy and long-awaited day for both of us and our families. During our first year of marriage, we chose
to use the Natural Family Planning we had learned as an engaged couple to avoid
pregnancy. I was finishing my senior
year in Nursing School, and Jeff was settling in to running his own Financial
Advising Practice. A few months after I
graduated and began work, we both attended a parish retreat and presented the
weekend the following spring. As I
reflect on the witness I shared then, the faith testimony of a 22 year old
newly married young woman, I can’t help but smile. Little did I know what lay ahead and the
faith it would take to get through it.
Jeff and I were blessed with a sweet and happy marriage, and
we were enjoying working in our careers as well as in various youth and young
adult ministries in the diocese. Just
after Jeff’s parish retreat weekend, we decided to use the NFP information we
had been using to avoid pregnancy to conceive and begin our family. Unbeknownst to us, our very close friends who
also had gone through the retreat with us, made the same decision at the same
time. We were thrilled for them when we
heard the news of her pregnancy, and we joyfully awaited the opportunity to
share our own good news. Six years
later, when those same friends had just delivered their 3rd child,
Jeff and I had still not conceived.
I can’t quite put into words the sadness and discouragement
we experienced during that time. How many
times did I hear, “Don’t worry about it!
You’re so young!”, as if that would make it better; I wanted to say, “If
I can’t get pregnant, I can’t get pregnant—it doesn’t matter how old I am!” How many times did dear family and friends
announce pregnancy after pregnancy while that chance simply eluded us?
When I gave my retreat witness in the spring of 1999, I was
“living in the light of Christ”, but now, 12 years later, I have so much more
appreciation for what it means. What
does it mean to “live in the light”? It
means, just as in wedding vows, for better or worse, in good times and in bad,
I will choose to live as a child of God, trusting Him with my whole heart even
when life is difficult, even when my heart is broken. For me, it was trusting Him and the teachings
of the Church when well-meaning friends and family encouraged us to just go
ahead with the in vitro fertilization that we were told was the only way we
would be able to conceive. Surely God
would understand and not have us suffer in this way. It meant rejoicing with dear friends and
family on their own good news of babies on the way; it meant blooming where I
was planted by finding joy in my current vocation as wife, while I awaited the
fulfillment of the vocation of motherhood for which my heart so longed. (It is hard to explain the loneliness and
confusion of physically not being able to embrace the vocation to which you
know deep in your heart you are called!)
It meant turning to Him as my Savior and loving Father in my most
heartbroken moments rather than turning away from Him and succumbing to the
darkness of discouragement and depression.
It meant seeking and accepting help when I needed it through counseling,
and even medication for a time.
On February 26th 2004 I was at a place where I
simply did not think I could go on praying for our future baby—I had reached
the end of my strength. While in the
chapel, I wrote in my journal, “Is it time to stop praying for this? Please let me know if you just want me to
move on and let this hope go.” Shortly
after, I got my answer. God is so very
good and faithful. The very next day,
our precious daughter was born prematurely at 32 weeks gestation. She would be my patient in the NICU where I
worked, and a few days later become our daughter through adoption.
One journey had ended, and the journey of parenthood had begun! God showed His faithfulness again and again
as family and friends rallied around us to help us get our adoption home study
completed and our home ready for a baby.
A few years earlier in our journey toward parenthood, we attended a
Christian adoption seminar called, “The Spirit of Adoption”. During it, the host couple explained their
experiences of adopting 2 little girls from China. I will never forget one of the phrases they
used, “Adoption isn’t Plan B”. They
meant that the blessing of becoming parents is the plan, and whether it comes
about biologically or through adoption, your child is your child, but
ultimately on loan to you from the Father in Heaven. After being placed with Elizabeth, I was
amazed at the truth of that statement.
How quickly my heart opened to her; how quickly she became our daughter
in our hearts, no questions asked. I do
not have that experience of seeing your child for the first time after months
of pregnancy and hours of labor. But I
do have the experience of holding my child in my arms for the first time and
feeling love for her in my heart only God the Father can give. What a blessing to be given the gift of
motherhood/fatherhood—that is Plan A.
The Lord proved to us through His faithfulness that
following him was and is worth it, despite the tears and heartache along the
way. Two years after Elizabeth was born,
we received a phone call from a social worker who works with a doctor with whom
I used to work. “A little boy was born
this morning…are you interested in adopting him?” That little boy turned out to be our
beautiful son. What a gift to our
family! We cannot imagine our lives
without his high energy, silly sense of humor, and sweet love for us.
Now we live the busy and at times stressful lives of parents
of young children, seeking to raise our children in the faith—knowing, loving,
and serving the Lord all their days. Now
more than ever before, we need to trust Him—His goodness, His love for us, His
mercies which are new every morning. And
it is our hope that the story of His faithfulness to us will bring hope to the
hearts of others who are struggling on their journey toward parenthood.